Hatred
by Loony
Summary: about Nymphadora Tonk's "dark side" and the end of all hope told by Albus Dumbledore from Chapt. 2 on
1. Hatred

This is about Nymphadora Tonk's "dark side" and the end of all hope told by Albus Dumbledore (from Chapt. 2 on).  
  
Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to JKR and the characters of Dumbledore and Tonks do belong to her, too (though the Tonks in this FF is not really JKR's Tonks)  
  
Hatred  
  
by Loony  
  
"Don't tell me about hatred and it's dangers. I know them well. I have been hating someone since the day of my birth.  
  
Well, at least since I was able to think and I'm not talking about the feeling people call hate when they feel anger, loath or when they long for revenge and want to hurt somebody. That ain't the same.  
  
Real hatred is a stronger feeling, stronger and darker and of course, more dangerous than you can imagine, I think.  
  
I may be wrong in that case, but you don't look like you've ever felt real hatred though I don't look like, too.  
  
But I did feel it and I still do.  
  
Every part of my soul and my body longs to hurt the person I'm hating. To make her suffer more than a human being can bear, to destroy her, to spy on her and discover her secrets, to use those secrets to ruin her even more, to make her wanting to commit suicide but not to let her, to laugh at her when she's undone and broken.  
  
My actings are ruled by hatred, I know it, but I can't change. I tried to stop hating but I am too weak and maybe too cowardly cause the person I'm hating is me.  
  
I hate myself for being what I am.  
  
Maybe it seemed to you that I am a friendly, quiet and happy person. I am not, but that's what it seems to everyone. I created this person and I act like her but it's a lie. I am unable to stand the truth, to show my feelings, to accept myself or to stop hating and that's why I am hating me.  
  
I hate me for hating me, isn't it ridiculous? Don't you think it's funny how stupid I am?  
  
Why aren't you laughing and instead smiling at me in this sad, sorrowfully way?" 


	2. Why?

After a bit of thinking I somehow managed to combine „Hatred"with the HP world...  
  
THX @ caracinous for correcting it (after having read this it won't be a fault to read her stories, too, they're ingenious ^^ )  
  
WHY  
  
The light in Dumbledore's eyes had gone. The person most wizards and witches had believed in was dead. Killed by a member of the order.  
  
He found it hard to accept this terrible part of reality. Harry Potter had died and responsible for his death was someone Dumbledore had trusted without any doubts of her loyalty to the order.  
  
Untill now, he was the only one who knew the murderer's identity.  
  
It was known by the public that someone of Dumbledore's order had killed the boy who once had lived. But people expected Severus Snape to be the traitor. A bitter smile appeared on Dumbledore's face.  
  
Snape had always been the person believed to have commited every crime on earth. But it had been Severus who warned him before the boy was killed. The warning had been in vain. At that time, it had seemed so unlikely to Dumbledore.  
  
Why should she betray them? She had always seemed so open-minded, brave, muggle-loving. Why the hell had she done it? WHY?  
  
The only thing Dumbledore had done after Snape's warning was to ensure that if something happened to Harry Potter he would be aware immediately.  
  
There was just this slightly disappointing fact, that the thing that happened to Harry was death. It hadn't helped a sickle that Dumbledore knew at once the boy was dead.  
  
He had been only able to catch the murderer after she had killed Ron and Hermione, too. When he had seen the children's dead bodies and looked into the cold eyes of their slayer his face had shone with hatred. Not for long, but for a few seconds, he had felt the poisoning claw of hate.  
  
And after that, he had listened to one of the strangest speeches he had ever heard.  
  
He had never imagined that the soul of Nymphadora Tonks could be that sick and corrupted. He had taken her to his office and informed the daily prophet of Harry Potter's death. There had been a special issue thirty minutes later.  
  
The next thing to do was to find out the reasons though it surely wouldn't prevent the young woman from the Dementors.  
  
But somehow, even the Dementors did not seem to concern him anymore. He had become strangely numb. The whole magical world was damned to be ruined by the Dark Lord.  
  
There was no chance to change that fact. As a consequence, there was nothing to be worried about anymore. Nothing to hope. Nothing to fear. Nothing to feel.  
  
He now just wanted to know why this had to happen. He did not care about the future anymore.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
@ Denise Simpson: don't worry, you're on author's alert ^^  
  
@all (if there's anyone at all who did read this): don't forget to review  
and read some stories by caracinous ^^ 


	3. Playing for Time

Again thx to caracinous ^^  
  
Playing for Time  
  
Sitting with propped up elbows in front of his desk Dumbledore leaned his chin upon his folded hands.  
  
Opposite Nymphadora Tonks was looking straight through him.  
  
She had fallen silent after her „speech"and none of them had spoken for quite a while. Tonks was not going to tell her tale of her own free will as Dumbledore had easily realised.  
  
Of course, he could ask Severus for a bottle of veritaserum but with some patience he could surely get the truth out of her as well.  
  
There was no need to hurry as there was nothing left to do.  
  
Nothing except getting to know why.  
  
"For how long have you been serving under Voldemort, Nymphadora?"  
  
Her eyes met his. Hers were still filled with distance and cold.  
  
"It's Tonks, not Nymphadora, headmaster."  
  
Dumbledore sighed.  
  
"Well, for how long have you been a Death Eater, Tonks?"  
  
She watched him attentively.  
  
"Since I was a child", she whispered.  
  
If he had heard this in any other situation Dumbledore would have surely been concerned but now he had listened to her words without any emotion.  
  
"Your parents weren't involved with Voldemort. How did you get involved with him?"  
  
Again, she thought thoroughly before she answered.  
  
"When I ran away from home with eight and a half years I met him."  
  
Yes, Dumbledore remembered. Nymphadora had run away and her mother, Andromeda, had been very worried because her daughter had always behaved a bit strangely especially towards her father and Andromeda had been afraid that Nymphadora could do something stupid. But she had come back a few days later and Andromeda had told him that her daughter had changed for the better after that though Nymphadora had never told why she had run away or where she had been.  
  
"Don't you think it's easier to tell me the story in a whole?"  
  
Of course, he could ask every single detail out of her but it would be hard to understand the context if he had to do it that way.  
  
"I can't tell you."  
  
Her voice was so freezing emotionless and unfamiliar though it was just a whisper.  
  
"Why? What keeps you from telling me? Voldemort?"  
  
Slowly, she shook her head.  
  
"It's not him. He wouldn't mind me telling because my task is fulfilled. Telling you wouldn't change anything for the Dark Lord."  
  
She sneered madly.  
  
Dumbledore found it hard to concentrate. Her voice was so low and despair and numbness were forcing their way into his mind. But he had to do this. Due to Harry Potter, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger, whose bodies were lying dead on a field this very moment and to everyone else who had been stolen a future.  
  
"Why don't you say it, then?"  
  
"It's not only about the Dark Lord. It's about ... me. My feelings. My thoughts. My ... decisions. I don't want to think about the past."  
  
Rather thinking about the future and the Dementors, don't you?  
  
That thought showed Dumbledore that he had nearly reached his limits. He did use irony but he had never been sarcastic.  
  
"I'm afraid you have to. You will be forced to tell your story at yor trial and it might be easier if you have told it once before."Though it would not change your sentence, he added without saying.  
  
Nymphadore whimpered.  
  
He waited. Any further attempt to make her tell would be in vain now. After some time, she would tell on her own.  
  
He was right.  
  
After about ten minutes of silence, she began to tell her story. She often broke up but after a while she did always speak again and told him everything.  
  
It somehow fitted to her preceding speech. Lucky souls, who didn't know.  
  
But in a way, he understood her now. As you understand the actings of someone who commited suicide or else. You do understand the person somehow though you would (hopefully) never do such a thing on your own.  
  
At least, he tried to understand her.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Not a very nice ending for this chapter...but in the next chapter, there WILL be Nymphadora's story...and maybe, there could be the end of this story as well (I am not sure whether I am going to write one more chapter or two more...you'll see then)  
  
and "Erinnerungen" is not dead... maybe I'll go on writing in the holiday (they're till April 15th )...maybe not ^^"  
  
@Ella Palladino: One person who reviewed ^^ thx 


	4. The Trial

and finally...  
  
The Trial  
  
The Wizengamot was in session in Courtroom Ten. It was one week after Potter and his friends had been killed and there were many members of the Wizengamot who still stared at Nymphadora in disbelief.  
  
Actually, someone from the ministry had sent an owl to Snape saying that his trial for killing Harry Potter, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger will be held on January 12th, 1998 as Severus had furiously told him.  
  
Of course, Dumbledore had informed the ministry about that little misunderstanding and finally Nymphadora had got her owl.  
  
At the moment, Fudge was asking Nymphadora about the way she had killed the children. It had not been very difficult for her as the three had trusted her and – because every other member of the order had been occupied with other tasks, it had been only her to bring the children back to school at the end of the christmas holidays. She had manipulated the Portkey prepared by Dumbledore and somewhere on a field, she had killed first Ron, than Hermione and at last Harry. Voldemort had asked her to do so in the implied order to make the Boy Who Lived suffer. The three of them had been too surprised to do any serious resistance.  
  
There was nothing uncertain about the course of action. Nevertheless, Fudge was asking several unnecessary questions.  
  
It was really a mystery why this completely stupid git was still alive. So many people had died since the beginning of the Second War. Kingsley Shacklebolt, Emmeline Vance, Dedalus Diggle and Molly Weasley to name just a few. Others, like Arthur Weasley, were still alive but had died within because of their lost beloved ones.  
  
And all of those deaths, those sacrifices had been in vain. Just because of the madness of a young woman.  
  
During this one week, Dumbledore had really become bitter. Normally, he should have felt sorry for this misled mind who was telling her story now.  
  
The pride of the Blacks had survived inside Nymphadora. She had wanted to get to know the rest of her family but Sirius mother had refused to have any contact with Blood Traitors and Nymphadora had not realised that it wasn't good to have close contact to he Blacks. Instead, she had felt unworthy and inferior. Consequently, she had started to hate her parents and especially to loath her father. With eight and a half, it had been enough for her and she had run away, straight into the arms of Voldemort. He had told her that his mother, too, had had no sense for the honour of blood and that was how he gained her trust.  
  
For Voldemort, Nymphadora posed a possibility to have a valueable spy. Her mother had always had close contact to Dumbledore and it had been easy for Voldemort to direct Nymphadora's mind. He had always called her Nymphadora and though she usually hadn't liked that name she had liked him saying it. But only him, no one else should be allowed to call her that way.  
  
Voldemort had made her a Death Eater but she had never attended a meeting because no one should be aware of her. As a secret spy, she should act like a normal child and become a Gryffindor to tie connections.  
  
That was exaxtly what she had done though Voldemort had gone when she had been nine years old.  
  
She had attented Hogwarts as a Gryffindor and betrayed everyone. Slowly, she had begun to hate herself for not being honest. Untruthfulness had been no natural trait of her character but she had always remained loyal to Voldemort while the hatred towards herself had been growing and though she had started to hate Voldemort, too. Nymphadora hat both hated and loved Voldemort and Dumbledore was sure that she still did.  
  
Voldemort had been the one who made Nymphadora hate herself but he had also been the one who showed understanding. Naturally, Nymphadora had simply been a tool for Voldemort. A very useful one as it had been her who had managed to eliminate Potter.  
  
After she had told her story once again in front of the Wizengamot Nymphadora was sentenced to the kiss of a Dementor.  
  
The punishment was still done in the presence of the Wizengamot.  
  
Nymphadora did not even blink when the Dementor approached her. Just a few seconds and Nymphadora's soul had gone. Her eyes weren't cold anymore. There was only emptiness left.  
  
Emptiness which reflected the future of the magic world.  
  
And all that in spite of the prophecy. Dumbledore should have known.  
  
The possibilities of the future are multiple and it's very hard to tell which possibility would be the right one. Although after Harry Potter's death it wasn't very hard to guess what would come.  
  
Destruction, sorrow, ruin and death.  
  
~the end~  
  
Time table  
  
November 1972: Nymphadora Tonk's birth  
  
May 1981: Tonks runs away  
  
Halloween 1981: Voldemort is gone  
  
November 1981: Tonks is nine years old  
  
September 1983  
  
| Hogwarts  
  
September 1990  
  
5 years Auror training till September 1995  
  
July 1996: Tonks joins the Order of the Phoenix  
  
January 1998: Tonks kills Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger and Harry Potter  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
well, there wasn't a really good plot...it was rather boring...sorry  
  
thx @  
  
caracinous for proof-reading and the review  
  
raven for the review (I hope you can read the chapters now)  
  
cennet for the review: schreib ich einfach auch auf Deutsch: also nicht ganz, Nymphadora hasst ihre Mutter zwar, aber in Kapitel eins ging es um ihren Selbsthass, aber sonst...irgendwie hört sich die Handlung so wie du sie darlegst, besser an ^^"  
  
and @ all those who are going to read this, too (which means actually no one, I guess) 


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